How to deal with salon clients or co-workers who criticize you

"The busy, stressful salon is a natural source for conflicts to arise,” write authors Dr. Lewis Losoncy and Joe Santy in their book, PSP: Passionate Salon Professionals. And that’s just within the staff. Add the occasional client complaint, and you can become passive-aggressive, which the authors define as keeping quiet while seething or pouting, acting stubborn or procrastinating.

Have a plan, urge Losoncy and Santy, and they lay one out for you. In the case of a client who complains or criticizes your work, follow these 10 steps:

1. Stay calm and breathe deeply.
2. Reassure yourself that everything will be OK.
3. Make sure your body language communicates openness rather than defensiveness.
4. Smile despite what you’re feeling!
5. Listen to the point the person is making even if the voice is loud or the person is not articulate.
6. Be patient; hear the whole story before responding.
7. In your mind, summarize what the client is saying.
8. Begin your response with the same summary by saying, "What I am hearing is that you feel....”
9. Learn everything you can from the client’s criticism. There’s probably a lesson there.
10. Thank your client for the information.

It’s just as important to follow a constructive procedure when you’re the one doing the criticizing. While the authors agree that all staffers should stand up for themselves and be assertive when necessary, they suggest these eight steps when making your point:

1. Start by pointing out something positive about the person you want to criticize.
2. Address the most important point you want to get across.
3. Discuss why the person’s behavior presents a problem for you.
4. Avoid phrases like, “You should.” Replace them with, “It makes me feel that.”
5. Listen sensitively to the person’s reaction.
6. Recommend a solution if possible.
7. Comment on any positive change.
8. Remind yourself that you’re being assertive not to serve your own ego but (a) to do what is fair for yourself and (b) to improve your relationship with the person.

Unless you tell people what your problem is, you cannot expect them to just know.